Bargaining – Diving IntoThe Five Stages of Grief

Bargaining is one of the five stages of grief when your relationship ends.

Bargaining is probably the most humiliating stage of grieving the end of your relationship. This is the stage when you do things that leave you feeling stupid, desperate, and like a fool. You sent that long paragraph, that text, and you called to beg them not to leave you, but they doubled down and called you crazy.

If you have done one of those things, feeling a bit out of control, confused, scared, and a whole gamut of emotions that send your brain into a spin is normal. You are triggered and it feels like you will never be OK again. Take a deep breath and forgive yourself.

When you are feeling out of control of your emotions, rather than reacting in a regretful way in the spur of the moment, prepare yourself. Make a list of ways you can calm yourself down and hang it where you can see it in times of crisis.

When you are feeling like making that call, refer to your list and gain your composure through distraction and self-care. Here is a list of tips that you can use when you are triggered.

  • Breath, do some yoga, meditation.
  • Slowly drink a large glass of water.
  • Listen to some high-vibration music.
  • Call a friend or trusted family member.
  • Watch some self-help videos on the internet.
  • Go for a long walk in nature.
  • Play with your pet, have a dog? Play fetch. A Cat? Grab your laser pointer.
  • Take a bath, shower, or go for a swim.
  • Join a support group and reach out for support.
  • Color in an adult coloring book or work on a self-help workbook.
  • Read, self-help or even a fictional novel to distract your mind.
  • Work on hobbies or crafts.
  • Play with your children, grandchildren.

Begging your spouse not to leave you or to come back will only push them away further. If someone wants to leave you let them, give them space and with some time, perhaps you can talk and work out a plan to save the relationship or work together to separate with kindness. If you let your emotions get out of control, it only makes the situation worse so control the urge to bargain with your partner, rarely does it work, if ever. 

You are worth more than begging to be loved. If you need to talk, reach out.

With YOUR Success in Mind,


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