They broke up with you, it hurts. You did not see it coming, it was sudden and harsh. Perhaps they used a text message to break up or said right to your face, it doesn’t matter the pain feels just the same.
It’s OK, go ahead and cry it out, scream, eat a half gallon of ice cream while you watch every break-up movie that you can find on Netflix, trash talk your ex with your bestie over a bottle of wine, but do not stay in self-pity mode too long. It is not a healthy place to be.
Once you have cried it out, it’s time to pick yourself up and accept what has happened to you. A traumatic experience can affect your outlook and change your course in life, it’s up to you to take control and use this experience as an opportunity for self-growth.
One breath at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time until you no longer notice the pain, until the memories fade and your heart heals.
When someone hurts you, it’s easy to keep your focus on them. Why they did what they did, how they did what they did. Try and change your focus and put it back on yourself. How do you feel about what they did?
Take a deep breath and take it in steps. Create a healing plan for yourself and list the steps that you will take to get over the trauma that this heartbreak brought into your life.
Step one: Feel your feelings. When someone breaks up with you, it can feel like rejection and that hurts. It is important, to be honest with yourself about how you are feeling and let yourself feel those feelings. Crying is a great way to allow your feelings to flow, meditation can also be a useful tool and journaling is a must, writing down your feelings is a great way to release them.
Step Two: Educate yourself. If your relationship was in any way toxic, it is a good idea to do some research on the topic. Narcissistic abuse can have lasting effects on both your mind and body, trauma stored can affect your physical health, and rumination of what you have been through can circle your brain and just about drive you insane. If you feel that you have been involved in a toxic relationship, it is a good idea to obtain advice from a professional counselor to help you come to terms with and have healthier relationships.
Step Three: Exercise. Working out raises your vibration, reduces stress, and can help you lose those extra pounds. Trauma that is stored in your body can be released through exercise, try yoga, or running on a treadmill. An extra plus is the gym can be a good place to meet new people who have similar interests.
Step Four: Get Social. Hang out with friends, join a club, and take yourself out to dinner but stay away from dating until you are over the break-up and feel confident and ready. Dating to get over another is not a good idea as it involves another person and their feelings, you need time to heal, and jumping from the frying pan into the fire will only get you burned. Being with your friends can fill the natural desire for social connection while allowing us time to heal from romantic heartbreak.
If you find yourself lacking in the friend department, go out by yourself, if you feel shy there are many activities that you can do that will shield you from the awkwardness that you feel when you are out alone until you feel comfortable enough to be more social when out alone. Taking in a move, going shopping, riding your bike, or rollerblading in an open outdoor area are all activities that people do alone all the time. Work your way up to it and soon you’ll be feeling brave enough to take yourself out to dinner, alone!
Step Five: Acceptance. When the break-up first occurred, you may have realized that it was over, but acceptance is a different animal. Once you reach a place where you accept what has happened and that your relationship is over, you can truly move on and be happy again. Acceptance means you no longer live in pain and rumination over the rejection, you think about your ex every day and you begin to look forward to what the future will bring.
Not everyone deals with break-ups and pain, in the same way, and not everyone follows the same healing path, the order in which we heal can vary from person to person. You must listen to your own heart and mind and do what you need to do to heal from the pain and trauma that heartbreak has brought into your life.
I recommend that any feelings of despair or thoughts of ending your life be immediately addressed with a licensed professional. Sometimes people are brought into our lives as a lesson, not a destiny. Loving yourself and having a strong sense of self-worth will bring you more pleasure and help you in times when you do receive a rejection from someone you love, take the time to heal, work on yourself, and glow up after a breakup!
With YOUR Success in Mind,