It is settled, the lawyers are hired, and the process has begun. You are getting a Divorce.
Even if you initiated it, getting a divorce can be a painful long process that takes a lot out of you, emotionally and physically as we carry our trauma in our bodies.
How will you get through it?
Here are ten tips to help make the process easier on your body, spirit, and mind.
- Hire a lawyer: if possible, hire a good attorney to represent you. A lawyer knows the laws of your state and can help you obtain the best possible outcome.
- Keep your emotions in check: Every time you let your emotions decide for you, it will cost you. If you have a lawyer, every time you reach out about what your soon-to-be ex is doing now, you will be charged and since the law does not work off emotions, it can be costly to let your emotions decide your divorce case.
- Take care of yourself: Self-care is important during a difficult time, take the time to rest your body and your mind. A spa day or a long walk in nature does wonders for your state of mind.
- Lean on your tribe: Your family and friends can provide the emotional support that you need to get through your divorce. Remember that their opinion is based on their love for you and if it doesn’t match your lawyer’s advice, follow your lawyer’s advice. Family means well but their judgement is based on love. Use that love in positive ways, spending time with them to keep your mind off the divorce process. It is OK to ask them not to give their opinions and advice and just be there for you, to listen.
- Seek professional assistance: If your emotions are out of whack, depression sets in or even if it doesn’t, it is a good idea to obtain the advice of a licensed professional to help you manage your emotions and move towards a bright future.
- Be fair: When splitting assets and material goods, be fair and give your soon-to-be ex, their fair share. Compromise and do not cling to items that your ex may want just to hurt them, let go of the items from the past, fighting over who gets the mower is not worth all the energy it takes.
- Think of the children: It is so hard to let your children go for the weekend when you are used to being with them 24/7 but take a moment to think about how the noncustodial parent feels, they used to be involved daily and now they get weekends and holidays. It is easy to say, “They caused this”, especially in a situation that involves an affair” but your kids did not so be fair and let them see the other parent. Use your lawyer to set up rules, especially if you have strong feelings about who your ex brings around your children or where they are to stay when with the ex. Your kids should not be involved in your divorce, an exception maybe if they are older or adults, they may give their opinion but still, it should be their opinion, not your influence.
- Focus on YOU: Your life is changing, and it will change quickly, don’t waste your time worrying about what your ex is doing, focus on you. What do you want to do with the rest of your life? It’s up to you and that’s exciting!
- Do not seek out the other woman: If your marriage ended due to an affair, do not focus on the affair partner, and please do not contact them. You do not know what they have been told and may only use your contact against you. It will only prolong your pain. It’s understandable to be mad at them, they were wrong but let karma handle them, it’s not your place to seek revenge.
- Gain knowledge: information is power and the more information you have about your state’s divorce laws and guidelines, the better off you will be. Whatever your situation is, someone has been through it before. Online support groups offer you the opportunity to chat with people who have been through the same experience, most of these groups offer the opportunity to post anonymously which is a good idea when you’re in the middle of a divorce.
Divorce is an exhausting experience, taking your time to process your thoughts and emotions can help you use logic to make decisions regarding your settlement.
Sometimes having a nonbiased third party to bounce your thoughts off can be a tremendous help. If you need an ear, reach out.
With YOUR Success in Mind,