What is Forgiveness?

FORGIVENESS. Most Psychologists describe forgiveness as a conscious decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person who has done you wrong, regardless of whether they deserve it or not.

What forgiveness is not is a way to gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean accepting or excusing the wrong. It does not change what happened or the intent of what happened. It does not make them right; it does not make you wrong.

Forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, but it does not mean that you must continue or reconcile a relationship with the person who caused you harm. You can forgive someone and not have them in your life in any form unless you choose to have them in your life.

Forgiveness is for YOU not for the person who caused you distress.

The reason that you should forgive them is to release you from carrying the burden of what they did wrong. To forgive someone you do not have to tell them, no heartfelt speech of forgiveness is needed to forgive. They do not even have to know that you have forgiven them, they do not even have to acknowledge what they did to you was wrong.

To forgive, what you must do is tell yourself that you do forgive them and that you forgive yourself and release those feelings. It can be helpful to have some sort of ceremony to mark the forgiveness, this can help you accept and move on.

There are many ways you can mark your forgiveness. Write the person’s name and what they did to you on paper and (safely) burn that paper. You could step outside and announce your forgiveness to the universe, look up at the sky, and say it out loud. Anything that makes the forgiveness real to you, that makes the moment you decide to forgive about you.

You must also forgive yourself. Yes, even when someone else is totally in the wrong, you should forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you, for not standing up for yourself, and or for living in denial. Forgiving them and forgiving yourself allows you to begin your healing journey, move on, and enjoy life without the burden of what they did. Forgiveness sets you free.

Forgiveness is for you. Forgive them, Forgive yourself.

With YOUR Success in Mind,


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